My Head Right Now - DIARY ENTRY

My head right now, in list form:

©     A memory - going to a barbeque at neighbour's house. A girl my age - one of the ones who was better than me in every measurable way - lived there. On my way to the toilet, I snooped into her room, and gawked at the collages across her purple walls, built from snippets of glossy fashion magazines. The word Chanel was stuck and pasted into my brain. It was cooler than any real life I had ever seen.

©      Aria Montgomery - fictional character from the 'Pretty Little Liars' series. I was obsessed with the Aria in the books, and then, watching the series, was obsessed with TV Aria's bedroom. I poured over the apartment therapy articles on how to recreate it. I piled books onto my windowsill, filled brown frames with type-writer-esque drawings and butterfly prints, bought shimmery vintage-looking printed wallpaper form Laura Ashley (which I still have and love), stole my parent’s wicker basket... and I PRAYED for an attic bedroom (unsuccessfully).

©      A New Yorker article I read last month about a small girl who loved Bowie. I found my Bowie poster from a play I went to see at Edinburgh Fringe last summer (which was INCREDIBLE and something I actually think about fairly often), and re-pinned it to my wall.

©     A book I read when I was thirteen or so. I can’t remember the plot, only a single scene, describing a beautiful bedroom - sea green, with draping fabrics. I remember going to Claire's the next week and buying a silvery scarf to hang from my door. 

©     E.M. Forster’s A Room with A View. After reading this, I wrote ‘Mistrust anything that requires new clothes,’ onto my wardrobe door, and ‘To us all flesh shall turn in the end’ on the inside.

On the cornice of the wardrobe, the hand of an amateur had painted this inscription: "Mistrust all enterprises that require new clothes."

"I know. Isn't it jolly? I like that. I'm certain that's the old man's doing."

"How very odd of him!"

"Surely you agree?"

But Freddy was his mother's son and felt that one ought not to go on spoiling the furniture.

***

They bathed to get clean. And all the time three little bundles [of clothes] lay discreetly on the sward, proclaiming:

"No. We are what matters. Without us shall no enterprise begin. To us shall all flesh turn in the end."

I thought this was really funny, and also powerful. The old man in the book who wrote this is wise and apt and above other people’s opinions. More than just being a good mantra (I am broke after all), this quote means to me that you should never trust anything that won’t take you as you are.

©     Lady-bird’s room. Lady-bird’s ROOM. LADY-BIRD’S ROOM.

    The set design for the protagonist's bedroom in 2019 film 'Lady Bird' was stunning. You could live in her walls. Like The Yellow Wallpaper, because there are literally personalities reaching out of the pink.

      

Boredom: The desire for desires/ Every day will be pizza day/ Love your solitude (I think that’s what it says).