Five months - POEM/ DIARY ENTRY

FIVE MONTHS

( /why i'm struggling to make art)

you have lived in my house

for five months now, 

and i miss every single thing

about the emptiness.

my memory holds on to the freedom 

that once clouded my limbs,

before you showed up for dinner.

my mind can recall the days when my body

moved carelessly - without 

resistance, or ingrained 

gratitude,

for my limited abilities. 

it can play back the hours

once spent 

imagining places and then 

walking into that chosen reality, 

in thoughtless simplicity 

(it was you that made me consider 

exertion, with meticulous specificity 

 - that was once used for creativity and education).

but my mind cannot hold the physical -

the sensation of wellness! it cannot be captured

by memory.

it turns out that, in the same ways

our brain forgets pain, to trick us out of trauma, 

it is also possible to forget pain-less . 

once you have lived in the same 

house as - 

for five months, you have lived here, 

and i can't remember me 

without you